artsystrange (artsystrange) wrote in cheesecakefiles,

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feeling fabulous

Last night was probably one of the best nights I've had hanging out with Mark in a really long time.
We were joking around about what each others future relationships were going to look like and it turned into him throwing something in my face that really hurt me. But instead of just feeling bad about it I just epicly blew up at him, and that just changed everything. We were finally able to just lay all the shit of our relationship and the events following the end out on the table and talk about it and deal with it. Everything he's been feeling and everything I've been feeling. After that we were just able to have a really nice time just hanging out. We laughed together more than we've laughed since I can even remember.
I feel so much better about everything now. I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can move foward. Like the weight of our past has been lifted off my shoulders and i just don't even have to care or worry anymore. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to stay good friends with him once one of us started dating again because it would hurt too much, but now I can honestly say I know we will be able to be good friends. I don't know what my "moving forward" place is going to look like, but I'm finally ready to get there.
I haven't felt this good since mid semester when this whole breaking up thing began. It was the first night when he wanted to break up but then didn't, and then all the mess leading up to the final break up, and then the mess after, it weighed so much on me. But it's over now, it's off my shoulders and the cloud is out of my heart. Everything is forgiven and I can move forward. It's an amazing feeling.
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